So What, You Don’t Have All The Answers?

Hey you guys, how are we doing? It’s officially the beginning of the second quarter and it is starting on a super interesting level for me because *drum roll*, I’d tell you next week.Β Laughs!!!

Happy New Month!!

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If you read my last post, raise your hand *raises hands*.

Today’s post is a follow-up to our conversation so you would need to visit it here to get the big picture. there you will understand this picture

I have noticed something about myself over the past few weeks and it is pretty simple;

Continue reading “So What, You Don’t Have All The Answers?”

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WARM FUZZY HUGS

Following our little task last week, I dared to say hello to a girlfriend –Β  a sister I met only five days ago.

(Sister is lying down in the room. Christy walks in)

Christy: Hey, How are you?

Sister: I’m good. Thank God.

Christy: Like really, How are you doing? Are you sure everything is fine

Sister: Well,………….
Let’s just say – the conversation took 30 minutes, a discovery on Chronic Depression, 2 suicidal attempts and a prayer of faith.

If you don’t understand what I just wrote, you need to go back to our last post.

…………………..

What’s more powerful than Love?

A Loving Hug.

Continue reading “WARM FUZZY HUGS”

HEY FRIEND, HOW DO YOU DO ?

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For the longest time, till very recently, I have not been the best version of myself.

I was laden with responsibilites from my Fatherland and my Jesus- Father Land.

I was confused. I was fast becoming ill and unproductive.

I wanted to shut out from the rest of the world – Physically and Online.

I couldn’t do anything but everything was doing me.

I was easily irritated. I was tensed. I was growing darker and losing track of myself.

I didn’t remember what Ice cream tastes like and food is supposed to be my love language. πŸ˜”

I didn’t have a grasp on anything. I felt my skin giving way at some point.

On the outside, I looked like I was above and beyond everything.
Inside of me – I felt like a wrinkled piece of paper going through painful shredding.

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…………….

Two weeks ago, A friend of mine was depressed and I had no clue. I just thought she was busy and we all were busy too. So life is good.

But then, one day, I thought to say hello and send a message of Comfort just because.

Fortunately, God, who knows just when we need to hear something or a voice, helped me connect with her at the right time and out the words came like a free-flowing fountain. She was dying and I had no clue.

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…………..

I have a SISTER whom I admire and respect a lot. I feel she’s got everything working together and nothing can stain her Jimmy Choos. She posts happy-go-lucky-content and I wonder to myself-

Does this Princess have a care in the world?

Ofcourse!

I said Hello and she dropped a bombshell on me. A picture that looked as harmless and full of life was taken on her way to a major milestone in her life- The one where you don’t know what tomorrow will bring.

……………….

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This isn’t just a post for Girlfriends! Boyfriends too need checking up on.
Check up on your Strong guy friends, on Your Mr Ideal Man, or Nice guy or Colleague at work, or the -Always-present-on-social-media – buddy.

Isn’t there someone you have had on your “waiting to be checked list” for the longest time and couldn’t bring yourself to type – Hi, Hey, How you doing?

Isn’t there someone who keeps flashing past your mind and you’re like – I will say Hello –

Today ?

Tomorrow ?

In a few weeks?

Her next birthday?

His big break?

His / her total meltdown?

Things get pretty Ugly when your head is full and without any breath of Fresh Air.

So, with all of your busy schedule and all the many things you ought to be doing and not doing today – take the time to say Hello to someone.

Say it like this-

Hey Girlfriend,Hey Boyfriend, How you doing? LIKE REALLY???

Be That Breath of Fresh Air Someone Needs.

TODAY, I DECIDED TO SHARE NOT WRITE

Today, I’m not writing a Blogpost.

I would like to share a few thoughts that have been having a merry go round in my head space.

Thought 1

What does being Capable Mean ?When someone says

” Christy, I know you are capable, you can do this.”

What are they trying to say? What expectations does the person have of me? Am I allowed to fall short, to make a mistake, to fall a little, to slip up?

How high has this person set the Bar ?

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Thought 2

Some days back, a friend of mine put up a post on IG and the only comment that I felt inspired to write was

She is Damn too Precious to a God who cares Damn too much about Her!

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That hit home for me.

Do you know what true Love really means?

It’s the Love of God!
No Man or mother or Best friend can love me like My Father can.
God has been Awe-So-Fleeky- amazing to me since the day I shed my first tear into the world.

He’s too concerned with the tiny strand of hair that goes with the comb every time I visit the salon.

He’s very interested in the color of the dress and shoes I’m wearing and he legit says wear sandal today and at the end of the dayΒ  – I’m like –
Weh Done Sir, I see you ! πŸ˜‰πŸ˜‰

We are Damn too Precious to the God who uses the Earth as his footstool.
The Devil is Crazy right now.πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜œπŸ˜œπŸ˜œπŸ˜œ

Thought 3
What’s next for Me?
Within the space of 3 months, two doctors told me I had a high BP – Blood Pressure.
What could a small geh like myself be thinking of that will be taking the same space as the fear that comes from a Lion chase in my heart?

I couldn’t place a finger on One particular thing I was worried about, but I was certain that I had given worry a years worth free rent in my head and I didn’t even know when he moved in.

He’s out now by the way 😎😎

I realized that the major thoughts that raised the decking of my BP was the fear of the Unknown. Too many things that shouldn’t be worried over in the first place.

Finally, In all of my thoughts, I’ve handed everything to God, the one that gave me the head and the heart and the BP.

And I’m saying – Have Fun with Me!!

Happy International Youth Day || 1 or 2 things On Safe Spaces||

The other day, we received a message stating that we were going for a conference- International Youth Day something something.

Dress code – Office Casual.

The search for the kind of cloth to wear took over.

How was I supposed to know when I reached 50% Office- 50% Casual and not 70-30 or vice versa.
I wanted to look good but not too good. Just casual kinda good.

It’s always a big deal for me to look good.

Anyways, thank God, we looked like Angels from up high above. It was indeed a fun packed Youth Day.

I learnt something new.

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Safe Spaces.

A few days ago, my friend- a church big brother -Uncle- kinda friend, accused me of not keeping in touch; of disappearing and reappearing at will, of not bothering to see if he existed. And he mentioned that this was a pattern and one that was bad too. He said I didnt regard him as family.

I didn’t know how to respond.

He was right.

He was right to be upset. He had every reason to be upset with me, because, I didn’t tell him a million and one things that have happened to me recently, including how I can now successfully make Igbo eba for 10 people. πŸ’ƒπŸ’ƒπŸ’ƒπŸ’ƒ

*Inserts shaku shaku to the Most High*

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All I know is I felt bad, but I kinda didn’t feel bad too.

– At least, My Mum and my sister know wassup. That’s all there really is.Β  Right ? WRONG!!

In my opinion, for the longest time, these two people are the ones God has blest me with that I can call at 4:37am and they HAVE to pick up. I don’t feel like I need to apologize when they pick up the phone.

With them, I can shoot for the stars.

They are my Safe Space.

What exactly is a safe space ?

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It is that one place you feel like a Sami-Ganja.Β  More like a safe haven, it is that one thing/place/activity/favorite thing to do that gets you in your zone.

For some, it’s sitting still in one position with no interference. Tranquillity.
It’s like a reset factory, or a reactivation point.

Like a turn table to a DJ.

A long walk with that special someone.

A whole day without the internet and any yadayada.

Like Ice cream or junk food to Me.

Like “Up Nepa” to little Children.

Like the word of God to a believer.

It’s a Big bubble of safety and it’s only for you.

It could be Good food? A movie marathon? Sleeepppppp? Doing the laundry? Or washing dishes?

Heck, cleaning the house – a hundred times over .

What’s my Safe Space?

Mine is my family, good food, plenty play time, a good movie, spring cleaning.

1. I’m an auto cleaning/ rearranging machine and it takes grace to not shift that exercise book lying around from its position on the left to sit peacefully on top of the neatly piled ones on the right.Β  My friends have had to tell me severally to LEAVE their stuff alone.

2. I like food. I don’t like all kinds of food, but I have a special thing for watching food network, for preparing the food and definitely super efficiently devouring it too. I’m not a salad eating kinda lady. I will eat a four-course meal and still ask for boli and groundnut on the road if I see.

3. I play a lot. Plan a hangout with me all week long and the only thing you’d hear me ask is ? What time do we meet?

4.Β  I love my family. They are pretty much all I have after God. I love them means I can disturb them, cry with them, shout at them, tell them who I think I like and who I don’t, discuss an outfit choice with them, beg from them ( without shame or judgement) yell if I have to……

I don’t think I can do that to any other relation, friend, acquaintance, (maybe a special someone) without feeling like I need a ritual to appease the gods. I have a FEW friends that I regard as family, but there’s still a level of boundary respect I give to them regardless.

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This is HOME.Β 

We are all Human and we have Safe SpacesΒ 

Now, I understand if my friend- big brother – kinda – Uncle feels like I left him out on all that’s been going on with me. He checks up on people, so he expects others to do the same to him.

Maybe I’m wrong to think I can do life with just 3 out of over 7 billion other amazing people.

I am now learning that as much as I need my Safe Space to survive, I need to make it safe for someone else. I should be able to let someone else feel safe around me. That’s the only way the world can be a better place.

So, What is your safe space?Β 

 

Dysfunctional or Diamond in the Rough

20180617_1733491033111646.jpgThis person is aΒ  dysfunctional person…..”

This was the judgement proclaimed upon me at a very critical point in my life – SS1.

………………….

We just started wearing skirts and everyone wanted to make an impression, seeing as we had left the pinafore league and graduated to the fitted mini skirt league.

Yes, it was a big deal season. πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

I just had my house wear slimfit into the perfect figure 8.
I had just one pair and I took religious care of it – knowing fully well that Saturdays and dinner times were the only opportunities I had to exercise my Slayonce.

I had a few persons I wanted to be best friends with and a guy or two I wanted to call me babe. This was already a lot of work.

…………….

And then this happened.

On this fateful day, my English teacher came in a little late to class, but he managed to finish what he had planned for us that day long before the bell rang for his period to be over and so in his finite wisdom, He decided to “judge every book by its handwriting”

Mine was the last to be judged because I was seated in front, so others submitted their notebooks on top of mine and my seat mate’s.

We were to open to a random page in our neatest note book and by reading a few lines, our Omni-discerning English teacher will decide the kind of person we were by our handwriting.

When the words landed, my heart went from 20 beats per second to 300.

It was a life-defining moment and I was gleefully anticipating something cheesy and encouraging.
Definitely not a heart-wrenching,waist-twisting, stomach-upsetting, bull dozer of a statement.

I felt like a piece of paper that was roughly wrinkled and tossed into the garbage can; not the type of trash that uses automatic leg flip. Nah.

More like the one you have at the backyard because the stench from it is gravity defiant.

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What does dysfunctional even mean?

Why does something with more than eight letters sound so wrong even though it’s big grammar.

For the longest time – I wore that accolade – DYSFUNCTIONAL – with swag

I began to address my instability, my imperfections, my inability to sit in one place, my inconsistency, my low attention and excitement span, my wishful thinking and soo many more fleeting attributes of mine to my DYSFUNCTIONAL personality.

I didn’t know the damage it had done until I started to use that statement as an excuse every time I messed up.

To HELL WITH THAT!!!!

TO HELL WITH DYSFUNCTION AND FUNCTION.

Thanks to God, I am over that.

Did you know that a Diamond is only a fine piece of charcoal that handled stress exceptionally well.

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Maybe, Instead of saying dysfunctional, He could have said – Diamond In the rough

Yes !!!

I am a Diamond in the rough and not – oh – so – absolutely- not a dysfunctional person.

In Jesus’ eyes I am a Diamond.

Glistening and shinning even though still in my rough estate.Β 

I am not the person my English teacher thought I would be. God didn’t let me even dareπŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚.

I might not be there yet, but I am working hard at it. Night and day, in sunshine or in stormy rains.

Now!!!!!!!

I am better, far better than yesterday, more clay and sand and rocks have been removed from my outer layer; forcing me to grow daily and continuously into the DIAMOND God said I am.

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I just thought this might encourage someone. No matter whatever name you’ve been called, whatever deformity or disorder you have managed to make sound sexy to yourself.

Get out of that pity party and turn on an Holyghost Party.

You belong to GOD! You are neither cheap nor disposable

You were FEARFULLY, AWESOMELY, and WONDERFULLY MADE.

You are a Diamond in the rough and the only way for you to go is Shimmering shiny all the way up.

πŸ’ƒπŸ’ƒπŸ’ƒπŸ’ƒπŸ’ƒπŸ’ƒ

I’m going to shine bright like a Diamond and there’s nothing My English Teacher or any one would be able to do about it.

I’M NOT ALLOWED TO BE TIRED || Life Lately || 1 or 3 lessons I learnt from Rejection.

It’s been Six Fridays !

😒😒😒😒😒

Six long weeks of doubting, fears, uncertainties, and a host of other “God -why”circumstances.

I’m not 120years old yet neither am I as successful or worthy as Mike Zuckerberg to give a speech, but if I was asked to give a Life achievement speech at Havard Graduation ceremony or some TedX talk;

I would begin by saying –Β  I ALMOST GAVE UP.

I WAS TIRED.

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I was Mentally Tired! I was Done in my Mind.

Before now, the only remarkable time I ever heard anyone say NO to me was when I priced one dress in Eko and the brother said “Aunty, Mbanu, e no gree.”

See??

He didn’t even say NO in English.

Coming to serve my sister fatherland changed the narrative.

Now, I’ve had the word NO thrown in my face so much so that YES became a prayer point. A testimony.

A lot of things happened over the past few weeks which got me to a point of withdrawal in my mind. I shouldn’t have let things get soo sad, but I did.

I let EVERYTHING get to me.

At a point , crying became second nature, because after crying in the name of praying, I’d cry on the phone when talking to my mum and some other persons.
There were days I promised myself that I wouldn’t let the situation of things get to me. But whenever I come back from my Job search and the caretaker asks me;
“Bawo ni?( how far ?) ” I would say “Bakan na ni( same same)”

When I look back in retrospect now, I realize that God knew just what He was doing. And so, for this reason, I’d like to Publicly apologize to YOU and to God.

I apologize.

For letting things get so out of control, for throwing a pity party all in the name of telling people how I felt.

I am sorry.

For making God seem like a junior staff who needed permission from his supervisor to bless me. I thought he hadn’t opened my mails yet. I didn’t know he delayed my case file for a reason.

I was wrong.

For not Trusting while waiting.

For not letting God take charge like he said he would.

For setting deadlines for a God that knows no time nor day.πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

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In all of the events of the past 6 weeks, Jesus through the Holy Spirit taught me a Couple of Lessons.

Do you mind if I share ?

Of course you don’t, you’re still here πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

I was rejected at the two places NYSC posted me to officially and I was told Several NOs at the gates and principal’s desk of several companies and schools I sent myself to respectively.

Lots of Tears and Tfares down the drain all in the name of serving our father land.

I was beginning to get used to the idea of sitting at home whilst other corp members in my compound woke up early to go to work.

At some point, I started to apply for jobs in Lagos, since Ota wasn’t holding any promise.
I was scheduled for an interview in Lagos and I was already meditating on being a ghost Corper ( don’t try this at home Plixxx) before God came through.

God CAME THROUGH and he did so with a BANG!!!!!

Through the course of these events, He taught me a Couple of lessons.

1. God taught me something – He said WAIT.

Hmmmmmmmmmn!!!

I waited! Like I literally didn’t see any possibilities of a good place of service. I was just ready to “accept ” anything. I think I am one of those people that don’t know how to sit in one place. I literally can’t sit still unless I’m actually doing something – something beneficial oo. So, waiting, not getting any response from anyone or any where got me worried – I wore worry like a properly applied Mac Foundation on my face and it was a perfect match. I waited for over a month and then I think God saw that I had quit trusting in my strength and peoples’ and had just completely, totally, wholly handed over the whole thing to him.

2. God broke Protocols for me.

He went OUT of my local goverment, out of my space, out of my wildest dreams, to a place I thought I could never have and he served it on a Juicy platter for me. This was a place you only dreamed of and it stayed in your dreams. For a Corps Member, this was Heaven.

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3. God said Delay is not Denial.

Anyone who knows how NYSC works knows that staying 3 months without a PPA is as good as extending that service Year. Of all the things to extend?

But He came through when his traffic light hit Green. Till tomorrow, everyone I tell how it happened just looks at me in Awe and I’m like it’s God ooo.

I remember sometime in 2017, someone told me something she heard from God for me and I believe that God and I was stunned and at the same time in disbelief, because I’m like.

Me, small and seemingly uncertain and upandan about everything. Majorly unserious and not consistent.

I basically told myself that God had other people to be this gracious to.

But, believe Me when I tell you that, that wordΒ  still rings in my spirit everytime He comes through for me.

Want to know what that word is ?

Getting out of Worrylane +4 lessons it taught me

Happppy New Month Y’all!

Guess whose month it is ?????

πŸ₯πŸ₯πŸ₯πŸ₯πŸ₯πŸ₯πŸ₯πŸ₯πŸ₯

πŸŽ‰πŸŽ‰πŸŽ‰πŸŽ‰πŸŽ‰πŸŽ‰πŸŽ‰πŸŽ‰πŸŽ‰πŸŽ‰πŸŽ‰

Yaaass! It’s Mine and ofcourse, every other lovely Creative, super Amazing, grossly Talented, Goal-smashing Individual that was born in this Genius month.
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Last week was just a whole Lottttttt for me. Like seriously, this life is really a pot of beans.
But, thank God, Jesus is the Bread of Life, so let’s continue.

I am super serious and I am not even smiling. All thanks to Nigeria and the idea of NYSC.
I wore worry like my khaki vest and I was indeed very overwhelmed at the littlest thing.

One minute I was happy,  the next, I was looking like bread that swoll up inside ice water
My phone, my bank account, my PPA ( Place of Primary Assignment), accommodation in a strangeland – everything.

What happened? Who did I offend? Which of my village people am I owing N19,800?

Thank God for family and friends who were the daily recipients of my Granny Smith worry game.
You cannor throw me away, I love you too. πŸ˜œπŸ˜—
They helped me get up, literally. Through sense talking and tongue talking prayers, voice notes that sent the devil far far away.

At the end of this phase, I learnt a lot of subtle -oh-so-tiny-but-mighty-influence- lessons.

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Deep Breathes!
Just pause, and let the world go on a few minutes without you, its a mind-blowing experience. And it worked, still works. Take deep breathes to restore sanity and peace of mind to yourself.

Pray!
Because , really, why shouldn’t you?
You have nothing to lose and EVERYTHING to gain when you pray, even the devil knows this, that’s why he brings all forms of distractions. Get on your knees and give him a run for his money. Scream – NEVER AGAIN!! The devil is a LIAR!!!!! Whooooooop Whooooop!
That felt soo good right?

Stop Worrying!
Can you just stop carrying the weight of the world on your head for a minute? Seriously, can you?
Just look at what it is doing to our Leaders and Presidents; wrinkles and contours in all the wrong places. Sing, praise God, dance to some loud praise jamz. That’s your odeshi to that French nonsense the devil calls – worrΓ½

Go Out!
Take Icecream! Go to a fancy restaurant and order what wee not make you wash plate after oo. Smell the fresh air! Take a walk! Wear shorts and palm slippers and a regular tee-shirt because freedom is yours. Own it. This life is too short to give worry any chance to redefine you.
Jump into the Ocean and swim hun, you’d see either God or Fish.

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God's got you

I just thought to share from one sincerely grateful heart to another.

So, now that that’s sorted and out of the way, let’s Dive right into the New Month! πŸŠβ€β™‚οΈ

P.S. Someone is turning a year older tomorrow. For a moment, I almost forgot about my birthday. Food is MY love language, so that’s a clue on what you can get me.😜You know food could also be Ice cream and Chocolate cake.😍😍 Just so we are clear.