So What, You Don’t Have All The Answers?

Hey you guys, how are we doing? It’s officially the beginning of the second quarter and it is starting on a super interesting level for me because *drum roll*, I’d tell you next week. Laughs!!!

Happy New Month!!

If you read my last post, raise your hand *raises hands*.

Today’s post is a follow-up to our conversation so you would need to visit it here to get the big picture. there you will understand this picture

I have noticed something about myself over the past few weeks and it is pretty simple;

WARM FUZZY HUGS

Following our little task last week, I dared to say hello to a girlfriend –  a sister I met only five days ago.

(Sister is lying down in the room. Christy walks in)

Christy: Hey, How are you?

Sister: I’m good. Thank God.

Christy: Like really, How are you doing? Are you sure everything is fine

Sister: Well,………….
Let’s just say – the conversation took 30 minutes, a discovery on Chronic Depression, 2 suicidal attempts and a prayer of faith.

If you don’t understand what I just wrote, you need to go back to our last post.

…………………..

What’s more powerful than Love?

A Loving Hug.

HEY FRIEND, HOW DO YOU DO ?

For the longest time, till very recently, I have not been the best version of myself.

I was laden with responsibilites from my Fatherland and my Jesus- Father Land.

I was confused. I was fast becoming ill and unproductive.

I wanted to shut out from the rest of the world – Physically and Online.

I couldn’t do anything but everything was doing me.

I was easily irritated. I was tensed. I was growing darker and losing track of myself.

I didn’t remember what Ice cream tastes like and food is supposed to be my love language. 😔

I didn’t have a grasp on anything. I felt my skin giving way at some point.

On the outside, I looked like I was above and beyond everything.
Inside of me – I felt like a wrinkled piece of paper going through painful shredding.

…………….

Two weeks ago, A friend of mine was depressed and I had no clue. I just thought she was busy and we all were busy too. So life is good.

But then, one day, I thought to say hello and send a message of Comfort just because.

Fortunately, God, who knows just when we need to hear something or a voice, helped me connect with her at the right time and out the words came like a free-flowing fountain. She was dying and I had no clue.

…………..

I have a SISTER whom I admire and respect a lot. I feel she’s got everything working together and nothing can stain her Jimmy Choos. She posts happy-go-lucky-content and I wonder to myself-

Does this Princess have a care in the world?

Ofcourse!

I said Hello and she dropped a bombshell on me. A picture that looked as harmless and full of life was taken on her way to a major milestone in her life- The one where you don’t know what tomorrow will bring.

……………….

This isn’t just a post for Girlfriends! Boyfriends too need checking up on.
Check up on your Strong guy friends, on Your Mr Ideal Man, or Nice guy or Colleague at work, or the -Always-present-on-social-media – buddy.

Isn’t there someone you have had on your “waiting to be checked list” for the longest time and couldn’t bring yourself to type – Hi, Hey, How you doing?

Isn’t there someone who keeps flashing past your mind and you’re like – I will say Hello –

Today ?

Tomorrow ?

In a few weeks?

Her next birthday?

His big break?

His / her total meltdown?

Things get pretty Ugly when your head is full and without any breath of Fresh Air.

So, with all of your busy schedule and all the many things you ought to be doing and not doing today – take the time to say Hello to someone.

Say it like this-

Hey Girlfriend,Hey Boyfriend, How you doing? LIKE REALLY???

Be That Breath of Fresh Air Someone Needs.

TODAY, I DECIDED TO SHARE NOT WRITE

Today, I’m not writing a Blogpost.

I would like to share a few thoughts that have been having a merry go round in my head space.

Thought 1

What does being Capable Mean ?When someone says

” Christy, I know you are capable, you can do this.”

What are they trying to say? What expectations does the person have of me? Am I allowed to fall short, to make a mistake, to fall a little, to slip up?

How high has this person set the Bar ?

 

Thought 2

Some days back, a friend of mine put up a post on IG and the only comment that I felt inspired to write was

She is Damn too Precious to a God who cares Damn too much about Her!

That hit home for me.

Do you know what true Love really means?

It’s the Love of God!
No Man or mother or Best friend can love me like My Father can.
God has been Awe-So-Fleeky- amazing to me since the day I shed my first tear into the world.

He’s too concerned with the tiny strand of hair that goes with the comb every time I visit the salon.

He’s very interested in the color of the dress and shoes I’m wearing and he legit says wear sandal today and at the end of the day  – I’m like –
Weh Done Sir, I see you ! 😉😉

We are Damn too Precious to the God who uses the Earth as his footstool.
The Devil is Crazy right now.😂😂😂😂😜😜😜😜

Thought 3
What’s next for Me?
Within the space of 3 months, two doctors told me I had a high BP – Blood Pressure.
What could a small geh like myself be thinking of that will be taking the same space as the fear that comes from a Lion chase in my heart?

I couldn’t place a finger on One particular thing I was worried about, but I was certain that I had given worry a years worth free rent in my head and I didn’t even know when he moved in.

He’s out now by the way 😎😎

I realized that the major thoughts that raised the decking of my BP was the fear of the Unknown. Too many things that shouldn’t be worried over in the first place.

Finally, In all of my thoughts, I’ve handed everything to God, the one that gave me the head and the heart and the BP.

And I’m saying – Have Fun with Me!!

Happy International Youth Day || 1 or 2 things On Safe Spaces||

The other day, we received a message stating that we were going for a conference- International Youth Day something something.

Dress code – Office Casual.

The search for the kind of cloth to wear took over.

How was I supposed to know when I reached 50% Office- 50% Casual and not 70-30 or vice versa.
I wanted to look good but not too good. Just casual kinda good.

It’s always a big deal for me to look good.

Anyways, thank God, we looked like Angels from up high above. It was indeed a fun packed Youth Day.

I learnt something new.

 

Safe Spaces.

A few days ago, my friend- a church big brother -Uncle- kinda friend, accused me of not keeping in touch; of disappearing and reappearing at will, of not bothering to see if he existed. And he mentioned that this was a pattern and one that was bad too. He said I didnt regard him as family.

I didn’t know how to respond.

He was right.

He was right to be upset. He had every reason to be upset with me, because, I didn’t tell him a million and one things that have happened to me recently, including how I can now successfully make Igbo eba for 10 people. 💃💃💃💃

*Inserts shaku shaku to the Most High*

 

All I know is I felt bad, but I kinda didn’t feel bad too.

– At least, My Mum and my sister know wassup. That’s all there really is.  Right ? WRONG!!

In my opinion, for the longest time, these two people are the ones God has blest me with that I can call at 4:37am and they HAVE to pick up. I don’t feel like I need to apologize when they pick up the phone.

With them, I can shoot for the stars.

They are my Safe Space.

What exactly is a safe space ?

 

It is that one place you feel like a Sami-Ganja.  More like a safe haven, it is that one thing/place/activity/favorite thing to do that gets you in your zone.

For some, it’s sitting still in one position with no interference. Tranquillity.
It’s like a reset factory, or a reactivation point.

Like a turn table to a DJ.

A long walk with that special someone.

A whole day without the internet and any yadayada.

Like Ice cream or junk food to Me.

Like “Up Nepa” to little Children.

Like the word of God to a believer.

It’s a Big bubble of safety and it’s only for you.

It could be Good food? A movie marathon? Sleeepppppp? Doing the laundry? Or washing dishes?

Heck, cleaning the house – a hundred times over .

What’s my Safe Space?

Mine is my family, good food, plenty play time, a good movie, spring cleaning.

1. I’m an auto cleaning/ rearranging machine and it takes grace to not shift that exercise book lying around from its position on the left to sit peacefully on top of the neatly piled ones on the right.  My friends have had to tell me severally to LEAVE their stuff alone.

2. I like food. I don’t like all kinds of food, but I have a special thing for watching food network, for preparing the food and definitely super efficiently devouring it too. I’m not a salad eating kinda lady. I will eat a four-course meal and still ask for boli and groundnut on the road if I see.

3. I play a lot. Plan a hangout with me all week long and the only thing you’d hear me ask is ? What time do we meet?

4.  I love my family. They are pretty much all I have after God. I love them means I can disturb them, cry with them, shout at them, tell them who I think I like and who I don’t, discuss an outfit choice with them, beg from them ( without shame or judgement) yell if I have to……

I don’t think I can do that to any other relation, friend, acquaintance, (maybe a special someone) without feeling like I need a ritual to appease the gods. I have a FEW friends that I regard as family, but there’s still a level of boundary respect I give to them regardless.

This is HOME. 

We are all Human and we have Safe Spaces 

Now, I understand if my friend- big brother – kinda – Uncle feels like I left him out on all that’s been going on with me. He checks up on people, so he expects others to do the same to him.

Maybe I’m wrong to think I can do life with just 3 out of over 7 billion other amazing people.

I am now learning that as much as I need my Safe Space to survive, I need to make it safe for someone else. I should be able to let someone else feel safe around me. That’s the only way the world can be a better place.

So, What is your safe space? 

 

Dysfunctional or Diamond in the Rough

” This person is a  dysfunctional person…..”

This was the judgement proclaimed upon me at a very critical point in my life – SS1.

………………….

We just started wearing skirts and everyone wanted to make an impression, seeing as we had left the pinafore league and graduated to the fitted mini skirt league.

Yes, it was a big deal season. 😂😂😂😂

I just had my house wear slimfit into the perfect figure 8.
I had just one pair and I took religious care of it – knowing fully well that Saturdays and dinner times were the only opportunities I had to exercise my Slayonce.

I had a few persons I wanted to be best friends with and a guy or two I wanted to call me babe. This was already a lot of work.

…………….

And then this happened.

On this fateful day, my English teacher came in a little late to class, but he managed to finish what he had planned for us that day long before the bell rang for his period to be over and so in his finite wisdom, He decided to “judge every book by its handwriting”

Mine was the last to be judged because I was seated in front, so others submitted their notebooks on top of mine and my seat mate’s.

We were to open to a random page in our neatest note book and by reading a few lines, our Omni-discerning English teacher will decide the kind of person we were by our handwriting.

When the words landed, my heart went from 20 beats per second to 300.

It was a life-defining moment and I was gleefully anticipating something cheesy and encouraging.
Definitely not a heart-wrenching,waist-twisting, stomach-upsetting, bull dozer of a statement.

I felt like a piece of paper that was roughly wrinkled and tossed into the garbage can; not the type of trash that uses automatic leg flip. Nah.

More like the one you have at the backyard because the stench from it is gravity defiant.

What does dysfunctional even mean?

Why does something with more than eight letters sound so wrong even though it’s big grammar.

For the longest time – I wore that accolade – DYSFUNCTIONAL – with swag

I began to address my instability, my imperfections, my inability to sit in one place, my inconsistency, my low attention and excitement span, my wishful thinking and soo many more fleeting attributes of mine to my DYSFUNCTIONAL personality.

I didn’t know the damage it had done until I started to use that statement as an excuse every time I messed up.

To HELL WITH THAT!!!!

TO HELL WITH DYSFUNCTION AND FUNCTION.

Thanks to God, I am over that.

Did you know that a Diamond is only a fine piece of charcoal that handled stress exceptionally well.

Maybe, Instead of saying dysfunctional, He could have said – Diamond In the rough

Yes !!!

I am a Diamond in the rough and not – oh – so – absolutely- not a dysfunctional person.

In Jesus’ eyes I am a Diamond.

Glistening and shinning even though still in my rough estate. 

I am not the person my English teacher thought I would be. God didn’t let me even dare😂😂😂.

I might not be there yet, but I am working hard at it. Night and day, in sunshine or in stormy rains.

Now!!!!!!!

I am better, far better than yesterday, more clay and sand and rocks have been removed from my outer layer; forcing me to grow daily and continuously into the DIAMOND God said I am.

I just thought this might encourage someone. No matter whatever name you’ve been called, whatever deformity or disorder you have managed to make sound sexy to yourself.

Get out of that pity party and turn on an Holyghost Party.

You belong to GOD! You are neither cheap nor disposable

You were FEARFULLY, AWESOMELY, and WONDERFULLY MADE.

You are a Diamond in the rough and the only way for you to go is Shimmering shiny all the way up.

💃💃💃💃💃💃

I’m going to shine bright like a Diamond and there’s nothing My English Teacher or any one would be able to do about it.